As I sit here pondering about the last few years of my life, I can’t comprehend how quickly it’s all going. Yesterday I was sitting in Biology as a high school sophomore praying high school would end so I could get on with the ~rest of my life~. Two years later I had been accepted to college and I prayed my senior year would finish up so I could get on with the ~rest of my life~. Well God answered my prayers because I’m sitting here as a 5th year senior in college, dual enrolling in Graduate school wondering where my college experience went. I am someone who always just “wants to get on with it”, but how sad is that truly? I have spent so many days, months, and years, probably, wishing my life away so I could see the next big thing.
If someone asked me what I did in college, I could give them my entire resume, but how many exciting experiences or late nights at Waffle House could I share? I have some, for sure, but I spent most of my college days preparing for the “next big thing” (my professional career). I understand that this IS the goal of college, but what about finding yourself through adventures and car rides? If you count resume building as an adventure then I had quite an adventure, but that isn’t the kind I’m thinking about. I’m referring to the get in your car Friday night and don’t stop driving until you’ve reached your weekend destination. I long for the adventures where you and some friends pack up the car and explore new cities. I long for the adventures that make my soul happy and my heart full.
I spent my four years in college wishing I could get whatever I was doing over with. Now, as I sit here pondering it all, I ask myself what was it all for? How do I allow myself to slow down, appreciate the heart-to-hearts, and just relax? One way is through this blog for sure. It allows me to reflect on myself and my life. However, I am looking for other ways. Through reading, exercise, or anything that will guide me to a clearer space where I can appreciate the now. I know limiting my time on social media would allow that. I could stop comparing myself to people who I will never be. Truly, do I want to even be like them? I don’t think so… Have you ever taken a social media cleanse and then realized there was a weight lifted off your shoulders and your body felt healthier almost? When I have, there has been a complete difference in how I view everything. I stop to smell the roses and I hear the birds chirping.
Going on from here, I’m going to try to slow down, focus on my education, and appreciate all the moments (even those that have my cringing and wishing tomorrow would get here faster) because at the end of my life, I don’t want to look back and think I wish I could go back to yesterday.