Hello, beautiful friends and happy Saturday!
Do you ever get to the point where you just feel like what you are doing is no longer the right path and you can just FEEL that there is something else, bigger than you, out there waiting for you to find it? No? Just me? Well…
The last year for me has been one of immense change within myself. People have left my life, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and at times I struggled to even know the person in the mirror. I went through a major life change in how to devote my time and what an extremely ridiculously difficult ride it has been for me. I am the type of person who has every second of their life planned out and this last year has been so up and down for me that at times it has been difficult for me to grasp onto some normalcy.
Somehow I am surrounded by many people who need me to constantly be their rock and person. I feel like I am devoting so much time to taking care of them that I don’t have time to take care of myself. We all have problems going on in our lives and I have been pushing mine down to allow others to speak and free their minds. When you lose friends, feel like your family is falling apart in some ways, don’t know what direction your life is going, and can’t talk to those closest to you because they are so busy, how do you cope?
Personally, I cope by writing here. This is the only place I feel like I can speak my entire mind before someone interrupts me with their life problems. The next few years of my life are so up in the air and I am not even sure how to plan anything. Maybe this is God showing me to have more grace, slow down, and appreciate the moment. As I mentioned in my last blog post, I always want to see what the next big thing is. Maybe this period of uncertainty is God telling me to calm down a bit. Which to be quite honest, I would not be surprised.
In these times of uncertainty, I continue to thank God for that with which I have been blessed with. While everything is not perfect, I am alive and well and that’s all I can ask for. My journey to find where I thrive is still on the move. I know that I am ready to move on, but in the meantime, I am going to continue adjusting to how I thrive in my current environment. One day I’ll look back and remember these times as my period of change, my twenties, and the ones that made me who I am.